Personal Reincarnation...it's those times in your life when your life takes a drastic turn and it changes the face of who you were. Sometimes that change can be a sudden change. One that blind sides you...those are the worst because you have no warning...no chance..no choice. You just wake up one morning and your life is forever changed. Maybe it was a death in the family. Maybe a loved one was diagnosed with a grave medical condition. Or maybe you discovered a secret revealed that forever changed the course of your life.
Then you have a slowly evolving reincarnation. Life changes over time..slowly...gradually. You can see it coming. You know it is going to happen..but no matter how hard you try to hold on to your old face, it's changing before your eyes. Maybe you are going through a rough marriage and you know divorce is at the other end. Maybe you are working out and walking out your faith and you know you can never go back to "how it use to be". Or maybe you began growing apart from your best friend. You both tried to keep those strings tied...but forces that be have decided the two of you are no longer to be.
However you reached your new life...your personal reincarnation..it can be quite painful to accept. It's hard to look in the mirror and see a shadow of who you were. It is uncomfortable to not know who you are looking at anymore. You grasp, cry, plead to go back to where you were. Where it was safe, comfortable and familiar. Living a life in an unfamiliar land is terrifying..it's a culture shock and your heart yearns to be where you use to be...or who you use to be.
I know this place...I have felt the seasons change. A few times they have been gradual. PAINFULLY gradual!!! But then, I have been faced with such a quick change that I felt my whole world would stop turning. I think I almost prayed for it to stop turning so I could fall off! But there are some things I learned as I entered into my new personal reincarnations.
First.....stop trying to go back to where you were. Stop trying to find the old you in the reflection...because the old you is gone. Hashem has decided it was time for a change. I don't believe in fate...I believe EVERY.SINGLE.EVENT in our life has been directed by the most masterful hand ever. A hand that is beautiful, skilled, tender and open. Hashem formed you in your mother's womb. He has counted your days. He has counted and caught the tears you shed. He knows the very number of hairs on your head. He gave you those little laugh lines, the turned-up nose, the big ears, the dimples in your cheeks. He crafted you exactly how and when He wanted. And you know why? Because you serve a purpose in this incredible plan of His. Every detail of your life has been worked out to His glory...His timing...His story. And now, Hashem has decided to write you a new story. He has changed the tune and now it's time to start with new steps...new moves. The quicker you accept this new life, the quicker you can move on to finding beauty in it. It might seem dark, cold and scary right now...but He promises that joy WILL come in the morning.
Second....Don't live in the "what-ifs" or the "if-onlys". You can't consume yourself with.."what if I didn't get in that car", "What if I was a better wife/husband", "if only I had taken my Dr. more seriously", "if only I said I loved him one more time". The what-ifs will destroy you...they will keep you from learning how to live in your new life. The What-ifs do not matter...because Hashem did not allow you to live the "what-ifs"...He wanted you to live your current reality. He has His hand in every minor detail of your life. Do you think Hashem would be careless enough to allow a minor detail to slip through the cracks if He knew it was going to alter the plan He has for you against His timing or His will? Certainly not! We were created by a master...a careful planner. So don't kill the new life your Creator has just penned for you by living with the pain of regret.
So....I write this post...not only for those I love that are in the middle of a personal reincarnation, but also for me...so I can go back and read my words when Hashem decides to write me a new story. So that when I look in the mirror and I am trying desperately to find the face I am use to gazing upon, I will remember....I write to remember to trust in my Creator...in my Master Planner. I write so I will remember to wait for His promise...that JOY WILL COME IN THE MORNING! Even though it may be cold, dark and scary...He promises...it WILL come <3 Shalom my friends.
